2013: Year-end documentary

I am writing this blog on a Christmas day. It is the day where everyone is giving thanks for all the blessings and challenges God has put up to them the whole year because nothing would have been possible if not for His Son’s birth to save the human race.

Going back to what had happened in 2013, I couldn’t decided on how to structure this post because definitely  several things have happened which  I am very thankful for. I even told a friend that 2013 is my year! Every year should be, but with a goal of getting better! 2012 was tough. I wasn’t able to blog about it because I was too... heartbroken. But the highlights were having a really huge fight with my family and not having gone home for two months because of that and having my heart broken by the first guy I decided to love.

Those things are all in the past now and no matter how cliché it may sound, it made me stronger. Now unto a different year – 2013:

January – New people.

 After my breakup with my ex, I was so blessed to have met a lot of people. I believe it was God’s way of letting me know that I am truly loved and that one bad relationship would not define how I am with other people. I have met the volleyball team which I have re-established in July 2012 with the help of new found friends. It was such a bonus that most of them are gay. I have been wanting to have such friends not only because they are really fun to be with but also I know that with them there are no pretentions. If they tell you your outfit doesn’t look okay, then they will tell it to your face and you wouldn’t feel bad about it.

I also got to meet Guy’s friend, Allen.(Guy, btw, is one of my closest friends in the volleyball team.) And Allen made me meet his friends too. It was a breath of fresh air to meet new people. Some people you may end up sharing your most intimate secrets with. It was also this time that I got to be really close with my colleague from Frankfurt, Chris. We chatted all the time and talked about non-work especially about how different German and Filipino cultures are.

It was at this time that I got to mingle and be friends with people of different generation, sexual preference, beliefs, nationality, etc. It’s really amazing when God decides to bring people together and they become friends for the rest of their lives.

Meeting new people phase. 

From sluts to heartbreakers: (L-R) Me, Allen, and Guy.

But the story does not end there.

It was in January 10 – almost January 11 – that I got to meet Ayel, my now boyfriend of 8 months. It’s a funny story because one of my closest college friends, Vern, wanted to set me up with her closest law friend.  I actually just said yes instantly because I was in the meeting-new-people vibe. Even my office friends wanted me to meet someone. I don’t know if it was out of pity because of a bad break up, but nonetheless, I am very touched and excited by the gesture.

My college friends had a new year dinner get-together and after which I was set to meet this “Ayel”. I was actually nervous the day itself – contrary to what I was feeling days before. All thoughts came into my head… “What if he doesn’t like me?” . “What if I don’t like him?”. “What if I slip and fell because of this long skirt I am wearing then he will laugh?”.. Those kinds of things. But luckily, we liked each other (and I did not fall) and since January 10, great things have been happening for both us. 

The Blind Date.

February – The original love and the decision making.

February is about spending time with my volleyball team! We actually spent February 14 together and had a simple Valentine’s day party. At 22 then, this is when I have realized that Valentine’s Day is more than flowers, chocolates, grand gestures and spending it only with your partner. It was also about simple acts and things enjoyed together with the people we love.

Aside from the February 14 date with the team, we also got to do an early summer getaway in Batangas. It was our first time to do it and I am truly blessed that we remain close friends up to now.

DKS Volleyball Team

DKS Volleyball Team. Again.

On to another story: Ayel also told me that he’s courting. I have no idea with the drills of courtship, but yes, he did told me, that he is courting me. Everything with this guy is formal which I like though sometimes I don’t because it’s too much. I did not know what to say then. I remembered nodding and saying “okay”. But definitely it made me smile. He also told me during the latter part of the month that his political party was making him go for law school presidency next school year. As formal as this guy is, he discussed it with me. He wanted me to have my thoughts on it before he makes a decision. Of course, I said that he should go for it because not all can lead and for someone to be put up to such a wonderful and challenging opportunity, that is being a president, means that they believe in him as person and all his capabilities and even imperfections. So he said yes to it.

One of the many nights he would visit me at work.
But this time, he told me that he's courting me.

Last story for February: my boss broke the news to us about the early migration of our work to Mumbai, India. It was initially set to Q3 but the management team decided to move it to an early date for some technical purposes that I would not indulge in discussing further. I was shocked because I was not ready. Early migration would mean leaving the team too soon when I am just enjoying their company and it would also mean a clash to my USA travel plan in May.  I had to make a decision. It was difficult. I discussed with my manager that I really wanted to do the migration because it is a great privilege and it would help in the development of my career but of course she did not want this migration trip to get in the way of our family trip. I discussed also with my mom and she understood how the migration would help me in my career so she allowed me to do it which would mean going to USA alone in September as they have scheduled it in May. But nothing was final. Date for the migration trip is not final and so is our USA trip. I was going crazy during this time. I even remembered crying because I wanted to do both things. But luckily everything got decided at the end of February. Migration was set in May so my mom and dad decided we do the US trip at an earlier date which is March. Lucky for me, mom did not buy the tickets yet until I have finalized my schedule with my manager but unlucky for her because the tickets were last minute so they were really expensive.

I am really happy that the schedules worked out. I got to do the migration and go to US with my family! Yahooo! 

The Sad News.

March –A busy work schedule and the snow.

March was a really busy month. We were prepping up for the migration, fixing our documents for the trip and of course we are also doing our daily work. Ayel was juggling his studies and his presidency campaign. I was also having my quarter-life crisis.

Being swamped with work sometimes makes you think if this is what you really want. I have never been the intelligent person. I am more of the eager person willing to learn. That is why sometimes I wonder what I am doing in such a work that would demand a lot of brain work that I am not an expert to. But then if I think of the other side of the brain where imagination and creativity lies, I am no expert as well. I still do not know where I would fit myself. I have always been known to be the jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none type of person. At work, I was actually close to quitting. But because of the relationships I have established with the team in Manila and team in Frankfurt, I stayed. Though, now, I still I have the inclination to quit and try it with a different company. But I am battling choosing between challenging myself to suck it up with my new boss and challenging myself to get out of the familiar. Let us see where 2014 will take me this time!

With all the stress happening during the first half of the month, a vacation really appealed to me! US trip was a great timing! We left March 21 and we had 2 weeks to enjoy ourselves. It was very cold because we got to experience a negative-degree Celsius kind of weather. It was such a bonus that we also experienced our first snow! My mom told me that moving the trip at earlier date because of my work trip was such a blessing in disguise! It snowed the 2^nd day we were there and it was the last because it was almost spring time! So lucky for us we also experienced cherry blossoms!  Snow and cherry blossoms in one 2-week trip! During this trip, I have realized how stressful it was to live here in the Philippines. Causing most of our stress is our government and our overpopulation. Of course it is completely wrong to compare US and the Philippines but I can’t help but compare and pin point the things we need to do and not do to better. After the trip, my longing to work abroad has opened up. But that is a long way to go. 

Two seasons in a week: My first snow.

Two seasons in a week: My first cherry blossom. 

The Angeles.

April – YES.

I was back to Manila the first week of April; just in time to fix my remaining documents for my work trip. I had work immediately after I got back from Manila. But it was a sweet gesture of Ayel to go to my condo because he was excited to see me.

Welcoming me back home.

We spent more time together and got to know more of him. I sometimes invite him over whenever my parents are in Manila so they could also meet him. We also had this dinner I called “presidential dinner” to celebrate his success in winning the presidential race in school. It was a formal dinner. He picked me up at work though it was really late. We had dinner and there he asked me formally if I can be his girlfriend. I was actually shocked that he was asking this. I did not have any inclination that he has something planned out like reserving a place, talking to the waitress to have my flowers delivered on his cue, etc. I actually said no. I told him with everything that is going on with my life, I do not want him to be included yet in the mess. He understood it and accepted it. 

He formally asked.

But after a week…

Ayel also introduced me to this festive Sunday celebration called The Feast where there was a mass and afterwards, speakers would talk about more of the gospel. That was April 28 when I first attended The Feast. It was such a light feeling after attending it. I feel like I have surrendered everything to the Lord.

After attending the mass, of course we went out for dinner. But days before that, I actually told Ayel to plan out something different this time. I think I specifically told him to surprise me with the plan he will make. So while having dinner, he handed over something to me. Unsure of what it was, I asked him. Then he told me that it was a scrap book and I will do something later. I was actually a little mad at him because I told him that it was supposed to be something that we will be doing together. But he said that he did his part and later on I will do mine. So after grabbing dinner, we went to Mrs. Field and he ordered ice cream for his dessert. Then he made me open the scrapbook. He told me that it was a game where I should answer all of it.  The first part where questions about facts mostly about our firsts such as the first fruit I gave him, first movie we watched together, the words in his first ever email to me, etc. The second part of the game was inspired by the popular game then, 4 pics word, where there were four pictures and one should guess that word that is related to all four pictures. But for his own version, there was only 1 picture but there were drawings on the side, letter boxes and scrambled letters so I can have a clue to what the words were. I remember our first photo together, our photo singing with a live band, and a collage of our photos together and in the middle it was written Happy 109^th day! (History: He has been counting the day since we first met). The last photo was hard to answer despite him giving me additional clues. So I decided to go to the last game. It was written there: “It’s up to you if you’ll continue…”. It was actually a riddle which I was able to answer days after our date. So I had to skip that and go back to the last photo. When I was able to answer (which took me about 30 minutes or so)… and told me I was right, I wrote something on the page next to the riddle (still leaving the riddle unanswered). I wrote “Dear Ayel” and drew three boxes for him to answer. I gave the scrapbook to him and told me to answer it. He did not get it at first. Then when he realized he asked me first in a very loud voice “YES?!!!!”… then I nodded and he wrote the word yes to the boxes and drew a heart! He still asked me “Talaga (really)?” as he could not believe it. He got up and hugged me. When we decided to leave, he extended his hand to me and finally he held my hand for the first time. We strolled a bit more and asked him if he could ditch his other plan since we had something to celebrate. So he called up his friend to tell him that something came up and he was going to tell him after. We called our friend who introduced us to each other and told her the good news. After that, we told our parents as well while we are at a ferris wheel – our celebratory ride. (hahahaha!)

The Bribe: Dinner.

Then I said yes.

Just wanted to add here that I had a little stint of being a muse at our company’s basketball league because it is not something I usually do. In fact, in the countless times I have been asked to participate in something that would require me to wear make-up, I would definitely say no. But now that I have gained a little bit of confidence and lost some of my baby fats, I have agreed to be the muse. Thank you to my supportive girlfriends who made me up for the event and for my loving boyfriend who accompanied me in this event. Probably our first date after I said yes.

Add caption

His muse.

May – The first work travel.

Only a few people are privilege to travel for work on their second year and I am truly thankful to be one of those few people. On May 8, I was bound to leave for Manila for a month to do a migration of processes from Manila to Mumbai. It was no easy job as knowledge transfers are challenging enough to begin with to do with a colleague in Manila and it would be much harder to do it knowing that there will be cultural differences which will be exemplified through the practices and ethics at work. But  we were lucky enough to have trainees who are smart and quick to learn so the job was made a little bit easy for us trainers.

Mumbai and Manila Team.

Aside from work, we got to experience a royal kind of treatment as we were in car service during the weekdays and we were living in a hotel for a month which means buffet breakfast and dinner, everyday bath tub, sauna, gym and spa, pool, room services etc. It was such a great experience! Additional bonus was that the service crew of the hotel was so accommodating. They were very friendly and would usually ask us if we would want something different that was not served on the buffet table because they know we were a bit tired of eating the same food.

On the last week of our stay in Mumbai, we flew to New Delhi to experience one of the seven wonders of the world – The Taj Mahal. It was really beautiful and majestic! It gets even more beautiful once you get closer to it as  you would see the intricate details of the grand temple. This was something I really appreciate about the India, they see the big picture and the very details – the same way about how they are with work.  Also, they are still very attached to their culture which is what we Filipinos are lacking. We have grown so much into modernism that we tend to forget where we came from. Advancement and progression would usually mean letting go of what we used to do which is not the case in India. This might be something we Filipinos, should think about.

Resting.

My Signature Pose at Taj.

The over-all experience of work travel has made me want it to do in the long run. I like the idea of being independent. I love meeting new people and getting to understand their culture and upbringing. I want to travel some more (without having to spend so much). Travel is one of the best learning experiences. I get to expand my horizon and get to experience new and exciting things that life has to offer. Initially then, I never liked travelling because it was costly that I would rather invest it on something more beneficial,  it requires a lot of planning, and it was time consuming. But all those things have changed. There are a lot of things that travelling offers that gets somebody’s every centavo worth it. That is why I want to do it more in the coming years!

June – To the next level.

While I was doing the migration in India, it gets tougher as I was also prepping up for my promotion. Promotion in our company is not something just given to you because you deserve it. It is rather, you apply for it because you think you deserve it. The company is serious when it comes to saying that we, the employees, are the drivers our own career. So I applied, and I had to prepare myself for the series of interview. I was nervous. I was doing a migration and getting myself promoted. That was tough.

But gladly, after all the hardwork put through the application process, I passed. My manager told me while I was still in Mumbai. From an analyst role, I am now an associate which means higher expectations and more positive results.

With my new team and now an associate.

After the migration and promotion, comes the new role. I came to Manila in June 8 and reported back to work in June 10. In June 12, I was also training for another team – my new team. I did not expect it to be so soon as I we were still expected to support the Mumbai team for at least a month. But there were resource issues so they had to get me to replace someone immediately. Training was quick as the one resigning will be leaving in the middle of July. So I only had a little over 1 month to train. Good thing, my trainer was good and I picked it up quickly and had a quick transition to my new team.

Aside from this good news, I also got to celebrate our first month and Ayel’s birthday immediately got back from Mumbai. I just dropped off my luggage and took a shower and went to meet up with Ayel. It was his  24^th birthday on May 19 and our first month together on May 28. So to make it up to him, I had a simple surprise for him. I arranged everything while I was in Mumbai. Aside from the gift I have for him, I also gave him a surprise photoshoot. All he knew was we were going to have dinner together. But when he saw me I was with Byron and Eica – another couple who happened to be the photographer and the make-up artist. Byron and Eica were surprised at how spontaneous Ayel was behind the lens! They told me that it seems like Ayel was not surprised at all and had himself prepare for the shoot!

Photoshoot.

July – Let’s go local.

As I have mentioned earlier, 2013 is my year. A big chunk of my year goes to travelling. Now I have been to USA and India, it’s time to go local: my first time to beach bum at the famous Boracay. I had booked myself a trip going to the island with my friends with my first team. But I had to rebook it because of India. So I had it rebooked without having any company yet. I initially thought of inviting Guy and Allen but they had something else planned. But Guy told me that the volleyball team was planning to go to Boracay. Therefore, I had it rebooked yet to another date!

 The Mandatory Jump Shot.

The Mermaid pose.

It was a perfect timing as I felt the need to go on a break and to reward myself after all the things I have gone through the past 2 months. And good thing that Boracay did not fail to amaze me. I fell in love with the beach. It was perfect as there were only a few people so we really got to enjoy the island very well.  There was a time where I had to leave the group and have my alone time. I lie down on shore and ordered a cocktail and just enjoyed whatever it was there to see! Definitely one of the best vacations! 

August – RUN.

Nothing much has happened during this month. It was more of getting stable with my new team and re-thinking of my long term plans. The earlier months, there are a lot of things I cannot control. I can influence but not fully control. That is why I believe I have resorted to running. It’s something I can decide on my own – whether to go fast, to stop, to go 10 kilometers, etc. I felt like this is the one thing that I have the power that I can fully call my own. Whenever I have the free time, I run. No matter how late it is, I push myself to do more. Because I believe I owe it to my body. Running is not a mere sport. I consider it as a lifestyle… a lifestyle backed by goals. These are goals which of course surround to doing more and much better. 

Running photos.

September  - My 23^rd year.

Yaaay! It’s my birthday month!  I spent it running! Well, only in the morning of course. I registered myself to a fun run called “Battle of the Sexes”. It’s actually one of my favorite runs to date being the feminist that I am. Though of course, I did not compete as I am not that quick yet. I am no Kenyan runner. I was joined by my friends Joyce, Mae  Cathy and Mae’s family! These people are not so much into running but they did it as their birthday gift for me.

Birthday Run: (L-R) Tita Amy, Cathy, Mae, Joyce, Me, and Ate Dyca.

Got up at 3:30 am to make to my 4:30 gun start at Mall of Asia. But when I checked my phone, there were 16 missed calls from Ayel… probably trying to greet me at midnight. But I already told him that I was going to sleep early because of my run. Then I texted him good morning and thanked him for the greeting. Then, after a while someone was knocking at my door. He was there with balloons and cake! He told me he has been trying to call me so he could surprise me at midnight. He even asked some of his friends to come along. But sadly, I was sleeping. This happened during their hectic schedule of finals week so this gesture is pretty much sweet. He dropped me off to my race and he then went back to his condo to catch up on some sleep.

After my run, it was Cathy and I who were left to have an early breakfast because the others had something planned for the rest of the day. We went to Vern and had some breakfast with her as well. It was quite a simple birthday morning for me which I fully enjoyed.

As soon as I got back to my condo, I opened Ayel’s gift. It was a cookbook and a lot of notes from our friends wishing me a happy birthday. One of the most treasured birthday notes and text messages came from my parents and Ayel’s parents. After which, I called home and had a facetime chat with them as I cannot go home anymore. I did not manage to catch some sleep anymore as the day was too exciting for me to even close my eyes. So I decided to finally use the gift card my Frankfurt team gave my for my birthday last 2012. I indulged myself to a very luxurious spa that I felt like it was too much massage for a person in a day. But nonetheless, it was very relaxing.

I met up with Ayel for mass and a quick dinner to cap off my birthday celebration. 

First and last meeting for my day.

Aside from my awesome birthday, my girlfriends finally had to a chance to do an out of town trip. It's our first and we are looking forward for more!

Pajama Party.

October – More running.

 I am getting used to this. I am getting good at this.

The company had this global initiative of Run Row Ride where employees will have to log kilometers/time they have put in doing a sports activity. I was chosen to lead one of the daily runs for the whole month of October. I am actually honored to have been chosen because I am now getting recognized in another field other than volleyball. Though the Manila leg was not that successful, the smaller teams were through their own organized runs which I am also very privileged to be invited to lead. I was able to lead one team outside of my own and another of my own team.

One GME Run. My Team.

MCC, FINCON and VSG Run.

Aside from running, the sports committee had also organized a circuit training for employees which I also participated in. It was definitely one of the most challenging physical activities I have had in years! The last time was during my college years on our ROTC hell day. But there will always be something good to take out of every experience. Aside from knowing to self that I can push myself to do more, I was also able to meet new people. They were Ron and Pau. Coach Ron, as I call him, used to be a fat guy who struggled into getting himself thinner through marathons and circuit trainings. Pau is the fitness queen as she is one of the girls in circuit training who can finish the workout the most proper execution. 

First Circuit Training

Team Takbo (L-R): Ron, Me, Pau and Tristan

Coach Ron has been pushing me to do better especially in terms of my statistics in running. Before, I used to just run it and hope for the best. Now, there is always a very specific goal. There are days where he will say that we will just have an easy run. Then we would converse during the run and before you know it, we ran 10 kilometers already. My best time so far for a 10-kilometer run is 1 hour and 1 minute coming from a 1 hour and 26 minutes in April 2013 during my first 10k.  I have definitely achieved a lot with his structured program for me. He even made a 21-km program already and pushing me to do it in February 2014. He’s excited for it! And I am scared. I told him that what he is doing for me is too much already. He’s been giving me some of his running accessories and he’s been training with me at 7:30pm even his shift ends at 4pm. Then he said to me that before he became a marathoner, someone was also doing the same thing for him and that I should also do the same act to someone who needs help when it comes to running. I would always remember Coach Ron believing in me. He told me that he saw a great potential in me when he saw me doing the circuit training because he saw how tired I was that I was closed to giving up but I was still doing the workout. 

First 10-km training with Coach Ron.

November – More local!

Travel again! This time in Cebu and Bohol. It’s my first time to go and I am being toured by the Cebu lovers Jay and Magda. But something really different about this trip is that we were joined in by our Frankfurt colleague, Chris! It was definitely such a great experience because it was my first time to meet Chris and I am happy that we are able to bond even just for a week. Though Bohol was a bit destroyed due to the 7.2 magnitude earthquake that hit the place a month before our trip, we still saw the beauty that Bohol offers, especially the famous Chocolate Hills and the smallest monkey, the tarsier. And in Cebu, we did not go around much anymore as Chris was easily exhausted so we did a lot of eating and made him try all the local food like halo-halo, otap, polvoron, sisig, pansit, crispy pata, longganisa, and a lot more.

Cebu was like Manila to me, only less stressful and less expensive to live in. I told Jay and Magda that I will definitely go back to go see the beautiful beaches of Cebu and eat more lechon!

Panglao,Bohol.

German folk loves Philippines.

The Gang.

December – Another challenge

DKS People Committee 2014: We are ready.

The final month and it does not mean lesser exciting things happen.

As I officially step down as the co-head of the volleyball group, I was given a new challenge which is also an honor given to me. I was chosen to be one of the heads of one of the pillars of the DKS People Committee 2014. I am co-heading the Socials pillar which will cater to 4 big events of 2000-people. I have never imagined myself managing something big as this that is why I immediately said yes to asked. I asked Yong, the previous head of the DKS People Committee and also a good friend, how we were chosen because it was the same question my manager asked me when I brought it up to her. Yong said that it was not something intuitive. It was laying down who has contributed in 2013 to the success of People Committee. I am definitely touched to the thought that I must have done something really great to be put in this big role. Yong has even told me that a lot of managers have been asking me to put their talents to this committee but he always refuse because most of the time, according to him, these managers just wanted their people to be famous and they tend to forget that to be in this committee is no easy job. He told me that handling people committee is like a small business where you have a budget, legal and compliance, security, logistics, etc. I have been doing this actually with the volleyball group but this time, it will be in a wider scope as it is now company-wide.

This new challenge is really important to me as I am an advocate of work-life balance. I was actually happy and proud when I told the news that I was joining the people committee to my manager and she told me that she’s glad and there is no doubt that I am her work-life balance champion in the team (History: I am the Socials/Engagement head in 2013 in my team of 70 people). This kind of work is really something I look forward to. It’s like being in a school again where you have studies and you have extra-curricular activities. It makes going to school, this time to work, more exciting to which I also hope to make others feel. 

~

It has been a great year for me. It does not need to be perfect for it to be wonderful. Definitely a lot of lessons learned, new people met, and places traveled. It's really the experience that one carries on to a new year, whether good or bad. 2014 will definitely be another challenging year but I am up for it always hoping for the best. 

(Christmas) Wishlist 2013

1. Vacation.
20 vacation leaves are not enough for an employee... especially employees following another country's holiday calendar. Some VLs are imposed as it is the holiday of the country you are providing service to. Unless, one has planned a superb vacation calendar where s/he has plotted strategically his/her leaves on some of the foreign holidays then bravo! But unfortunately, this is rarely the case because you also have to consider colleagues who has already planned out their calendar first. It's kind of a race to have a good vacation date plotted on the team's calendar. 

On my third year in the so-called 'real world', I appreciate every VL that I get to spend. It was only during my 2nd year that I am really able to sort of planned it out without any leaves being carried over to next year. In fact, I want some more VLs (wait, who doesn't?). This is contrary to what had happened in my first year where my leaves where not almost used and I was forced to used them by the end of the year so they won't get forfeited as we are only allowed to carry over 5 VLs per year. 

 Factoring in the travels I have had the opportunity to have this year, I am really engrossed to have vacations! It was only this year that I have realized that travelling is super fun! It's VERY costly but it was very much compensated with learning and experience. 

2. (Gourmet) Cooking/Baking Class
I miss cooking. I am no Martha Stewart or Gordon Ramsey. I think I have more of the Aling Kim's Carienderia type of food. Hahaha! I can cook a little gourmet but I have more Filipino style in terms of cooking. I'd like to deviate to that a little and challenge myself to do a little different which is gourmet cooking or baking. 

3. Spa Day
I have always loved going to the spa. Gives me that royalty kind of feeling. It is really a luxury. But it won't hurt if I get to have it once in a while right? Especially when I truly deserve to have it! 

4. Electric Juicer / Induction or Electric Cooker
A sucker for high-tech cooking appliance. Latest iPhone versus Latest cooking appliance? I would probably go for the latter. Cooking made easy, fun and techie! The two items I listed off are top priorities in the cooking appliance department! Plus, it would help my ultimate fitness goal of eating healthy because I get to prepare my own food and not rely on the nearby food stores which are usually cooked in so much oil.

5. Surprise
I love Christmas more than my birthday. Of course, it should be that way! It's the day Christ was born! :) But, in terms of celebration, I really love how Christmas brings everyone together. More than the gifts, it's the thought that was put into that gift and how you were reminded by that person that you are special... more than the lights, it's how each place is given hope... more than holiday breaks, it's how we spend time with our loved ones... more than any material anything... it's the joy that is brought to us by the celebration of the birth of Christ. 

If we can take time to surprise someone, with kind words and gentle gesture... WHY NOT right. And yes, I want one too. :) No judgements! This is my wishlist! Hahaha!

Just because it's a lazy morning.

Time Check: 09:35 AM

35 minutes after I have logged in for work. Not too early today because of massive people riding my ever so favorite MRT. 

Already started a bit of work. Read and deleted mails. Replied to outpouring office communicator messages left from yesterday's. Drafted mails to meet deadlines.Released and updated PL adjustments. Blah blah blah.

Today, didn't started off too well. It's actually a spill over of such a bad day yesterday. Almost didn't go to work today because I feel shit and all. But but.. I have to fight it. After all, work is kind of my happy place. My workstation is my private space that I can always be myself. Though work will always be there, at least in my desk, I can forget about things that too petty to matter and too dumb for me to even care about. 

You see, there are people not worthy to be in your life. Not being a snob or arrogant.. more of being picky because you want to grow. Some people are anchors who will pull you down. Either your stagnant or you sink to their lowliness. My piece of advice? DON'T. It's a choice. A mature one. When you get older, you start to let go of people unworthy of time (yours and theirs) and choose people who matter. People who are genuine. People who truly love you. And by love, it can mean saying that you are moody (or brat even), fragile, fat, etc. and still accept the way you are  (not because they have to, but because they want to). 

People who are meant to be in your life are persistent. That no matter how broken you can get, they know and believe that you can overcome whatever life throws at you. 

Let go of anchors and baggage. Keep those who bring you up and make you better.

Passion or no passion?

I work for a company whose tagline is Passion to Perform. And ever since I drafted my Circulum Vitae, the word passion can never be missed when asked to provide more personal information. I have always thought that passion is the fuel that will keep you burning, because growing up I have always been hearing things like, “find your passion” and “do what you love and you will never have to work a single day in your life”. That is why; it has been a goal of mine to find that passion.

I am almost 23 and yet I do not yet know the purpose of my existence in this world (to put it more on a religious perspective as well). I remembered having different answers when asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?” or “How do you see yourself in XX years?” In my early formative years, I was firmed at my decision that I would become a teacher. I would always remember how I vandalized our walls at home and use a stick to point whatever I drew/wrote. I even dressed up during the first grade as teacher during our career week! That decision I made on my early years had to change. I was inclined to several co-curricular activities later on that I thought of becoming a professional dancer, volleyball player or a politician.

Came high school, and of course, the decision will again change. Once, I dreamt of becoming the next Korina Sanchez because I was really into news then. Then I shifted to CPA, just because I thought it would be cool to have those three additional letters attached to my name and it seems like most people from my class wanted to be one. It was when I was a junior that I didn’t have a decision. Probably because when I had to decide, I would have to reflect it on the course that I would take in college. I was clueless. It was a big decision that has a great impact on my life forever. One thing I know, I will not take any science course. At least that I am sure of. So I decided through the subject I usually enjoy the most though not the best in it – Math.  Asked myself what course is related to Math without the need to hang myself when I am already taking the course. Then I thought, something business-related with math. So it’s either finance or accounting.

And ta-da: I am a bachelor of science degree holder of geeky finance course.

But I am still uncertain. Finance is definitely challenging. But is it for me? Remember, only took Finance because I did not like any Science-related course. I understand Finance. Not completely of course, but I can. If you want me to learn something about it, like how gamma and theta are related, how structured trades are different from flow trades, the strategies of a trader from prime finance business from equity derivatives business, etc. I will study about it but mostly because it’s my work. I am interested in the business but I believe not as much to keep me further. I really do not know… probably Finance is for me but not investment banking.

With that, I still hold the belief that passion is as important as breathing when it comes to work. It’s survival. But this belief was challenged by a quote I read from a magazine:

“You can be passionate about a lot of things, but just because you have passion doesn’t mean that’s a good place to put your effort. Typically you find out that the more effort you put into something, the better you get. And the better you get at something, the more fun it is. And the more fun it is, the less you realize you’re working, and the better things will go.” Mark Cuban, businessman, owner of the NBA basketball team Dallas Maverick

Also, I remembered a friend telling me, there is a big difference between doing what you love (that’s passion) and loving what you do.

With those things laid out on the table, where do I stand now in terms of believing that passion is essential for survival? I showed this to a friend who is very opinionated on things, and he said to me that passion is still the key. He gave himself as an example when it comes to the subject Math. He will never be good in Math because he never liked Math. He asked me, “what will make me push to being good if I don’t have the drive to learn it?” Touché. He got a point.

But I can’t still help but think about that quote I read. It may be true that with just a little bit more practice, I may have this passion for what I do… or simply put, I may love what I do. That is the question then, is passion learned? Or is it something within you already that you just need to develop?

To be honest, I am still quite confused about it until now. But I still would like to believe that we need to love something for us to put our best effort on it. It is indeed difficult to give our best when we are unsure of ourselves.

Wherever you are, either you found your passion or you are currently developing a love on what you have on your plate, what is important is that we realize that it will never be easy on either side of the coin because it takes hard work and a lot of prayers to be able to say that “this is what I am destined to do”.