The 2011.

The highlights of my 2011.

1. Graduation.

2. Employment.

3. Good team and company.

 

4.  Lost 13 pounds. (But gained it again)

Well I was still high school here, but I was hoping I could bring back the old sexier me. Hahaha!

5. Addiction to HIMYM.

 6. First time ever: me as an inspirational/motivational speaker.

7. Independence.

This isn't the the condo I live in but the set-up is pretty cool. I promise to take photos of my new home soon.

8. Addiction to twitter.

9. Hair color. First time. (dyed it back to dark brown now)

10. Trips.

Laguna, Tagaytay, Pagupud, Ilocos,and Bangkok

11. Attending a wedding after a bazillion years.

12. Chef for a month at Marciano's

Located at 2F Greenbelt 3. 

 

13 Ben. 

14 Reunited with my family.

Cheers everyone! Happy 2012!

After 2 months.

So what happened?

1. I wasn't home for two months (November 7-December 23, 2011)

2. 2-month worth of bonus was spent on condo-living things. 

3. Had a huge fight with mom and dad hence number 1 and 2. 

4. For the weekends I was usually at the condo watching series or stuffing myself with Mercato or fast food, going out with friends or Ben, or sleeping. (no ranking but I think sleeping and eating are tie to first place)

5. Ooooh, I went to Ilocos and Pagudpud for 4 days. 

6. I have watched more HIMYM.

7. My shift changed from 6am - 3pm to 11 am - 8 pm to cater to London processes. If you'd ask me which shift I prefer? Nothing because both has it's perks and disadvantages.

8. I got the chance to talk to my office crush. He discussed to my one of the books I was covering. Smart ass.

9. I have gained what I lost. (those extra pounds)

10. Tried smoking. Had a 1-week smoking phase. But no mooooore. 

11. Had gone through suicidal stage.

12. Doubting (yes up to now) my religion. I hope this is just a phase.

13. Felt lost with work with all the restructuring. 

14. Ate, Kuya Randy, Ben and I got really close and have done double dates at home.

15. My parents and I are slowly getting okay after the huge fight. 

A rollercoaster ride. An ironic life. 

Glad that I am ending 2011 in one piece, alive, and thankful.

The sweetest things.

It was his 7-day mandatory leave from the office. And of course we promised that we would still see each other.

First was last tuesday, his mom invited me for dinner. Met his family for the second time and meeting for the first time his tita and his cousin from Germany. They were very accomodating. I was being myself with a little thread of being shy but most of the time it was my real self talking to his family... conversing anything thrown for a topic.  And I was actually talking to all of them. I imagined myself being awkward and quiet but I was not. I think it was a very lovely night.

Second was yesterday, we had dinner at Saisaki. It was the usual yet sweet dinner. We were talking about work, promotion, bonus etc.

Me: Excited na ako sa bonus ko. Pambibili ko ng gamit sa bahay kapag lumipat na ako.
L: Ako nga noon walang bonus e.. Walang increase.
Me: Ha? Akala ko wala lang bonus. Di mo sinabi na yung increase din.
L: Deh pati increase wala. Kung hindi talaga dahil kina Ms. Che matagal na akong umalis. Nagdeputy supervisor ako ng Utilties at ako halos lahat nagturo ng mga processes tapos yung mga tinuruan ko sila pa may bonus.
Me: Di bale na... Isipin mo na lang may bawi si Lord sa'yo.
L. Oo, ikaw.

I smiled. I was so overwhelmed when he said those two words. What made it more romantic is the part where we were serious talking about work and bonuses and I didn't expect it would end that way... sweet and very romantic.

I told him it was the sweetest thing he said to me personally. The spontaneity of it was so perfect.


Thank you, L for those two days. I love to be always dated by you even sometimes it means it would be with your family. My love extends to them.

It was never easy.

Never did I imagine myself being in this kind of situation. On the contrary, I have always dreamed about getting it right. Perfection is a state that is a big blurr for me. It was never perfect. It was never easy. It is just love.

I got to my tipping point last night. It was the battle between peace of mind and happiness. In my life right now these two have different meaning. For some it may be achieving peace of mind first before experiencing true happiness. I don't know if that is the answer I am looking for. It is hard when two important people are involved.

Compromise. The best (temporary) solution for this kind of situation. Though it will also promise a temporary solution. It is the safety net of making ends meet. At the end of the day, it is either you give up or the other person will. 

I do not want to decide. I do not want to choose.

There is a solution to all of these things but it is not entirely in my hands. Close friends have been giving me the same piece of advice: fight for it. I wish it was that easy. It will never be. Who has the courage to stand up for something when you know the other person has already made up his/her mind? I could never win with that. And who has the courage to go against the will of someone who brought me up to being who and where I am right now? They gave me almost everything and invested in me and in return they deserve the respect and love from me.

On the other hand, who would want to give up someone whom you love so much? I was never comfortable around guys. But with him, it was easy and so natural. I could never give that up. He is the guy best friend I never had and I want to keep him for as long as I can.

It is romantic and funny at the same time (or others might think of it as me just being so in love) that I have thought of the main qualification for someone I will be with for the rest of my life when I got to be with him. And that qualification is that we would be able to talk anything and everything without boring ourselves, after all, when our hair starts to turn gray, it would back to where we started-just the two of us. And when that happens I would want to survive with genuine happiness in my heart. And right now, I believe that is him.

It was never easy...

Right now, I go on with just keeping things to myself. Yes, I have been lying. I am feeling the guilt everyday. Moreso when I have someone who would ask me questions regarding the things I am not supposed to tell. Most of the time, I would just laugh about it and go easy about it. I do not want to dwell too much on it because I am still hoping that in due time things will fall into place. Truth is, I don't it will and I am immensely hurting.

I could not just settle into such mess. I do not want to go on pretending that everything is okay when it isn't. It is tiring. Last night, my guards went down and I cried. It is hard to hear words you never expected from someone you respect, especially when she brought me up instilling in me and us her children that whoever we love as long as he is responsible will be okay for her. Nothing is okay. I fell into this shithole and I do not know what to do.

All I know right now is that I am stuck in between and choosing is not an option.
I know what I want and I want to keep them both. I pray that she (they) will realize that my love and his love is real... that he is the person she (they) would want for me if only she (they) will take a chance of truly knowing him.

I know my mistake with this whole story is that I lied. But that is just it. It is the only way to compromise. Someone even told me that I should not be afraid of my parents because it is only natural to experience such things with this age-falling in love. I never planned it to happened. He just came and he made me happy. I just fell in love with a guy who I think is perfect for me.

I just didn't realize that it wouldn't be easy.

Pagpapayat.

Ang unang tagalog blog. BOW. Trip trip lang. Inaasam na kasing galing ko sumulat si Bob Ong. O baka excuse ko lang ito kasi wala sa mood ang utak ko mag-Ingles. Kung anuman un, wala nang pakialaman basta tagalog ito.

"Bukas na ako magdadiet."

Medyo tapos na ako sa linyang yan. Sa tingin ko lang naman. Pero base sa nakaraang buwan, mas desidido ako ngayon sa pagpapayat. Ano nga ba ang dahilan bakit ako nagpapayat? Marahil ito ay sa frustration ko sa pananamit. Wala na kaya akong kasyang damit. Masasabi kong mas marami na akong damit na pang-opisina kaysa sa mga pangcasual ko lang. Ibig sabihin nito, malaki na ako talaga kasi halos lahat ng mga pangopisina ko ay kelan ko lamang nabili kaya kasya ang mga ito sakin. Nakakalungkot kapag dumadating na ang weekend dahil sa problema ko na naman sa pananamit. Halos lahat masikip. Minsan nagagalit ako sa sarili ko kung bakit ko hinayaang magkaganito ang katawan ko.

Kaya heto ako ngayon at pursigidong magbawas ng timbang. Isang buwan o mahigit na akong hindi naghahapunan. Sinabayan ko pa ito ng pagkain ko ng kalating tasa na lamang ng kanin. Dalawang linggo na siguro un. Ngayon naman, may isinasagawa akong diet na tatagal ng pitong araw. Crash diet raw ito ngunit marami na rin nakapagsabi sa opisina na epektibo raw ito. Isang linggo lang at makakapagbawas ka na ng 10-17 lbs. Naengganyo ako itong subukan. Kahapon nagsimula ang unang araw at masasabi ko namang nakayanan ko ito. Bagamat andun parati ang tukso lalo na kapag mayroon kang naamoy na masarap.

Ngayon, ako ay nasa ikalawang araw na. Kaya ko pa naman. Hindi pa naman ako nahihilo o nanghihina. Nagawa ko pa rin ang trabaho ko nang matiwasay. Ang problema ko lang talaga ay kung kaya ko itong tagalan. Pitong araw lang ngunit mahirap ang kailangang gawin. At ito pa! Sa sabado ay makikipamyesta kami kaya hindi ko alam paano ako sa araw na yun. Pero kaya ito. Nasimulan ko na e! Para sa akin din naman ito. Ang tagal ko ng gustong ibalik ang dati kong katawan. Yung katawan ko nung ako ay naglalaro pa ng volleyball. At gusto ko na ring simulan ang healthy diet dahil kung iisipin, hindi na ako bata para kumain na lang ng basta basta. Gusto ko rin namang mabuhay nang matagal-tagal dahil alam kong marami akong dapat at gustong gawin pa sa buhay.


Tama lamang hindi ba? Kaya lahat ng bagay ay dapat simulan na ngayon. Hindi na pwedeng ipagpabukas. Lahat ng kaya ngayon, ngayon na dapat. Gaya na lamang ng pagpapayat! : D

Dos Uno.

21.

Few days left before I hit that age.  Before, I didn't have the intention of celebrating it because of the many cliche of celebrating birthdays. Could I say I got tired of it?

I do not want to be greeted by so many people thinking that they are obliged to do it because the Facebook says so or someone told somebody that it is my birthday. I do not want a happy birthday song or a cake. I do not want any of those. 21 years and I want something different. So I came into conclusion before that I wouldn't be celebrating my birthday or at least not the cliche and traditional birthday.

Perhaps, the best that I can do is go to church and thank Him for another year.

But then I thought...

There are a lot of things different this year.

Employed, Committed, Loved.

Though it wasn't really a perfect year, I am blessed. Much better than being perfect isn't?

A simple celebration with my family, my closest friends and my love would truly make me happy on the 1st of September.

Nothing grand, just one quiet day of me turning 21.

Na-da.

What goes. This might be the most unstructured blog I will ever write. I don't know. I just felt like writing today. Maybe this has something to do with it: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/on-being-brave-enough-to-start-again/

I don't want to dwell too much on this but the weather, the lazy attitude today, this blog on being brave, and this song I am listening to makes me so gooey and want to just blab.

1. The Blog and the boyfriend. No matter how painful the blog is, I found it very comforting because I once felt the end-of-the-world kind of feeling and now I couldn't believe that I am now committed to a guy whom I love so much. Never did I imagine myself being this better again. I am good at pushing people away and it got better when tragedy happened with my heart few years back. But this guy persistently tried to win my heart and lo and behold he did.

I didn't expect him.. nor expect him too soon to come into my life. Nevertheless, he is there to receive the love I have so much to give and I am so blessed to be receiving more than what I needed and wanted. Thank you and I love you, B.

2. The Work. See now I have the time to blog. But I am so happy to be doing this work and be in this company. Just yesterday I had the mid-year talk with my supervisor and I told her that I think I am on the right path that I have started with the team before getting deployed to other teams. It is just the right kind of workload for someone who is a fresh grad like me. (plus when you considering the pay and the workload, it is relatively good). Work is challenging when you choose it to be. It is really up to me if I want to learn how figures came up to be that way and the logic behind it. And I do take my time to study my work. I actually prefer learning this way- on my own and in "real world".  So hurrah for me for my first 4 months here at dks! : )

3. The (Potential) Habit. I started listening to Good Times with Mo when we started leaving for Manila on Monday dawns.  It was a breath of fresh air for a radio show. I remembered then that they use to have a kid who I found very adorable. But I was no longer able to listen to the show because I was usually asleep for the 1.5-hour drive to Manila. Now, I am in a 6am-3pm shift, I get to listen to them again while doing work. I have been dying to call the show just to pitch in any idea I have of their topic. But I was too coward to call. Nevertheless, I am good with just listening to them especially when Mojojojo gets so gay, Mo is being an ass, Grace Lee being the dignified woman that she is according to Mo and Chopper is being such a bitch. I wonder if they will be offered a tv show because they gel well together on air. Two thumbs up for them and the show!

4. The Diet. Yes baby! It is official that I am on a strict no dinner diet! This is the first step since I not fond of doing exercises. It bums me out. I'd rather eat less rather than sweat a lot. But I do miss playing volleyball though. I hope I get through the first week (including the weekend). I want to lose 5-10 pounds in one month because (a) I am not getting any younger so the older I get, the harder for me to shed off those extra pounds! and (b) I wanted to feel better especially when dressing up. I am tired of fitting myself in clothes that at times are a size too small. So cheers to a healthier (and sexier) body! : )


So it went. Told yah, just threw topics that went through my head.

When would you know?

Is there really a rule when it comes to dating? Or maybe I have set my own rules or standards based on the things I grew up with which are mostly romantic-chessy movies or series.

Recently, I have considered the dating culture of Americans because it is so upfront. A friend told me, who happened to live in US for 4 years, that when a guy likes you he'll ask you on a date and if it worked (which means there is attraction) you will go on a second date otherwise there wouldn't be. It is that simple. Unlike here in the Philippines, you have to play the neverending guessing game with the guy you are dating. I couldn't blame our very conservative culture because I couldn't change what has been. I guess what people can do (or what the people have been doing) is adjust because no matter what the culture dictates, the character of the person prevails.

So back to my question, when would you know? Say you almost have it all there to call it a relationship but when people ask you about what you are to each other or how you are you just say "wala pa e" or "hindi pa e". Is it too lame to call each other friends when you both know you mean more than that to each other?

I am not in a hurry, though I never liked waiting. I just told him I wanted to be sure with this and that it is too early for us to be really together. But what has been bothering me is the current situation. Yes, let us call it the "label" issue. Some people may say that not all things should be labeled but I am different. I want to know what things are because I want to have a clear picture and definition in my head. It is just more comfortable for me in that way.

How I have been after almost 2 months.

It is 9:23 in the morning. Came in at 6. Done with morning processes. Waiting for one system to do other work. And then I decided to post a blog. It's been a while. I have been swamped with work. Last May, I had the most number of hours for overtime. But it should take into consideration the adjustment and/or the transition from school to office setting. Also, I should not forget all the system and access problems since my computer is literally empty when I got here.

But now, the earliest time I got to finish work was 11 am. It was yesterday. Maybe I got the hang of doing my work and there weren't issues anymore. It was really great because the target of the team is to really lessen OT hours of employees since they do not want to make slaves out of us. It was really different from where I have done my internship because in one of the conversations of my boss, she told me that one employee wasn't staying longer for work when almost everyone was staying up late to finish work. I guess it wasn't great for them to know that someone from their team is going home after finishing the usual 8-hour shift. But in Deutsche, they encourage you to finish work on the dot because it is so important that we, employees, have work-life balance. Two-thumbs up for Deutsche! : )

Work is relatively easy in our team because it is the "entry level" team. After 4 months or so, we will be deployed to other team doing the real work. As I see work in my team, it serves as a training so we can do much better once deployed. It is a good training because I get to know the sense of all the courses, specifically options and valuations, in college.


Aside from work, I got to meet a lot of people. It was so easy to gel with them. Though I was never a fan of changes, it was so great to have met them. : ) One thing more, in Deutsche we get to have allowance per team where we could spend it on fostering. I do not know if we are pushing through today considering the weather but we are supposed to have a dinner out tonight for our fostering. But yeah, it is so great that the company has people values. : )

I do enjoy work but I cannot truly say that this is the career path I want to take. But it is too early to tell so we shall see. I promise a post in 2 years regarding this. : )

Two and a half week's journey.

April 4, 2011-Two opposite feelings.

Woke up early. I told myself to care less about what day was supposed to be. 

I went to the mall with Kyro and Dad. I tried learning parking. We all had lunch there. Strolled a bit and dad bought us new clothes. 

I left my phone in the car. I didn't mind.

When we got back to the car, I checked my phone and there were 4 missed calls, all from DKS. I hurriedly called them back so as to know if there are any problems with my documents. My recruiting officer answered and he asked why I wasn't reporting for work. 

I was confused. I told him that HR told me that I could not start without my NBI clearance. But he told me that I wasn't able to submit the rest of the documents last Friday as what we have agreed upon. That part was my fault. I forgot that I can still submit incomplete requirements. He asked me if I can go to the office to submit them. I told him I cannot as I am in the province. Rather, I told him that I will be early tomorrow to pass my requirements. And he told me that I will start right away. 

I was panicking. It was supposed to be one lazy day for me. Plans such as reading books, going shopping, and cleaning my room where already set for the week only to know that I was absent for my first day! Bummer. 

After the call, I told my dad that I will be leaving right away. When we reached home, I hurriedly went to my room and started tossing things into my bag. I was rushing all over the house to make sure I wouldn't forget important things such as my documents and my work wear. 

It was almost a 4-hour travel. It was my first time to commute from Pampanga to Paranaque. I went straight to Mom's office to print the pre-reading requirements for my training. Ate dinner there and went home. 

My one hell of a day isn't over yet. I had to at least start reading. It was about Investment Banking. I was too tired to even comprehend what I was reading so I decided to sleep because I knew that I will have a long day ahead. 

April 5, 2011-HR Orientation

It was my first day at DKS. I was such in a relief when I saw a friend back from college who was with HR of DKS. He accompanied me to the orientation room and there I sat with the other new hires. I was at the back and observing the others. It seems that they all knew each other since they had the one-day advantage. 

When it was time for lunch, I didn't know where to go as I found out that there was no canteen in the building. I was alone. So I decided to eat  at Pancake House. Pitiful.

I went back to Net Quad (DKS' building) and waited in the HR lobby. The receptionist started to call names and my name was one of them. We went one floor up and into training room 4. 

I sat there quietly and feeling very sleepy. The girl beside me started to talk to me. I forgot what was it about but I was glad someone talked to me. I wouldn't forget Mich for that. Mich had the same situation with me where she didn't report to work on her supposedly first day. And we both found ourselves hating our recruiting officer who happens to also be the same! 

When our speaker came, Yong, he only discussed the things we were going to expect for our training at DKS. And at 3 pm, we were sent home.

All new joiners received this welcome kit from DKS. :) 

April 6-8, 2011-Global Investment Banking and Lifecycle of a Trade

There were things that I didn't understand. But there were things which I understood and were familiar. Since I the type of person who grounds herself and is better of with foundation or familiarity, I can say I did well in the courses with Phil Eden. Though, lessons may not be 100% retained, I can absolutely say that it was great to make my brain work again.

A little bit about Phil.

He is such a great mentor. He has this unbelievable credentials! But aside from this, one can describe him as a wonderful person and friend. He is British and married to a Cebuana. They have a diving business here in the Philippines which Phil is very passionate about. He gets to travel a lot because of his work and is getting paid really big. For this 3-day training, he roughly charged DKS  PHP 42,000 each person. We are around 15, so that's about PHP630,000 just for 3 days of training! Not bad at all!

He was so patient with us because there were a lot of times when we would not understand something either because he was talking in his accent and fast or the lesson was too complicated. He, being the great person he is, would gladly repeat it until he makes sure that we all get it. 

Team Happy with Phil

We were divided into 3 teams for the exercises we had to do. He didn't exactly ask us to name our team but he saw me writing "TEAM HAPPY" on the sticky note and we were tagged with this name. 

April 11-12, 2011- Fundamentals of an Associate/Analyst

This 2-day training was an easy breezy session for all of us. For one thing, it ended at 3 pm (the schedule says 6pm). Another was there were a lot of activities. It was way different from what we had last week where we only had to sit down, listen and do some finance problems. 

It began with the traditional introducing oneself. But knowing our speaker, Yong, he would add some flavor to it. Aside from our name, course, school and department in DKS, we would pick one other question that we would answer. The questions were about one's guilty pleasure, weirdest date, relationship status, crush, etc. 

The rest of the 2-day training went on with the best combination of lectures and fun-filled activities. 

Also, it was in this time we started playing "Never Have I Ever". :) It started when we were all done with our lunch and we were just waiting for Yong. There was one game Yong joined us and revealed to us the many interesting things about him. 

Playing Never Have I Ever

Batch 28 of Grad Program of DKS with Yong

April 13, 2011- Cross Cultural Awareness 

It is not that they are wrong. They are just different.

Part of our job is we have to deal with foreign nationals who are Deutsche Bank's clients. This is the main reason why we are having this as part of our training. 

I have had already the first hand experience with dealing with foreign clients of a company with my internship in Citibank for 3 months. The over-all-in-charge with Training Administration (TA) is an Australian and he has a subordinate who is British. I was part of the conference calls to know the process, and there were times that I would receive a call from them. I had to also train a Chinese national as the function will now be migrated to Hongkong right after I leave so it was very crucial for me to teach him all the processes in a short amount of time. There were also some calls across Asia Pacific that I needed to answer. It was really hard and there were times that I didn't understood what they were saying. But I came to realize that they may be experiencing the same with me as I, too, is different from them.

But it is in this training that I was able to dig deep about the differences across nations. I was more aware of how they are and how to respond to the attitude and the upbringing that they have. It is really about understanding and compromising when it comes to dealing with such people. 

The line can also be applied to many other things. But the bottom line is always understanding. 

April 14-15, 2011- Learning Process

 The 2-day training culminated with this activity. I was so proud that we were able to do it. 

The group was divided into three: visual, verbal/audio, and kinetics. I was part of the visual team. Each team had a different task.

VISUAL: Study the figure and relay the description in words to the verbal team. You are not allowed to touch the figure.

VERBAL/AUDIO: Relay the description given by the visual team to the kinetics team by writing it in a paper. You are not allowed to bring with you your paper and pens while the visual team describes to you the figure.

KINETICS: Assemble a figure based on the descriptions sent to you by the verbal team. You can only communicate with them through the use of papers and pens. 

The goal is to assemble the same figure in 30 minutes. 

And yes, we were able to do it! It was definitely hard given that we had our limitations. Our facilitator, Ms. Migs., even had a mistake of not providing the kinetics team with the correct lego parts. Nonetheless, we replicated the figure! 

 

April 18, 2011-Personal Branding

Unnecessary and unrelated photo: my large fries, tumbler and glasses.

I didn't like this session we had. I don't think our speaker was competent enough to facilitate. 

Though there was one activity where we had to draw ourselves portraying things people didn't know about oneself that I was able to express my true self. My batchmates in DKS label me as someone who is loud, strong, and a bit bully. But I told them that I am the type of person who adjusts with the kind of people around me. 

I drew there a big girl with a big heart. Strong and yet so fragile. Brave and yet weak. 

It was about breaking the wall to see who are courageous enough to take the challenge. 

April 19-20, 2011 - Effective Writing and Speaking for Business Needs

 

Photo 1: We were divided into 3 teams: to inform, to convince, and to suggest. 

We chose the "how to cook adobo" which was on the category of to inform. Nobody knew how to cook adobo so I taught them but I told them that I wouldn't do the talking because I've had my fair share of talking for the 2-day training. Instead, I played the role of an Indian while the rest were also foreign nationals. 

Photo 2: We wrote 3 topics which we could discuss without much thinking. 

Two people picked the first topic for me to discuss while five picked the third topic. The activity was about how easy it was to express ourselves when it comes to something that is of our interest. But this is contrary to what we would expect once we get deployed. It would be very hard to express what we truly want to say. 

Photo 3: Our last training with our last speaker.

We are the batch 28 of the Graduate Program of DKS and we are unto are first "working" day on Monday! :) (Though it will be Tuesday for me as it is a UK holiday on Monday) 

There were many things I have gained from this 2 and a half week's journey. I am very grateful that the company I have decided to be part of has some sort of "transition phase" for us fresh graduates because it is not easy to adapt coming from a totally different environment. The training has not only helped us prepare for what is to come but also has made us new friends. Though we are not together in one department, they are surely the new people you'd turn to. It was only 2 weeks and a half but people would be surprise on how much we already know of each other. 

Kudos Batch 28! :)