Just too much

Since I got back from India last Sunday, my heart and brain were filled with emotions and thoughts that I was overwhelmed.

Excitement that I was home was first and foremost to my feelings. I have never felt that way after being away from home. The second the plane landed, I turned on my phone, called home and told them the plane landed Manila! I hurried to my condo, showered quick, and prepared for my surprise for Ayel. 

It was a photo shoot which will be dealt further on my next post. :)

Then back to the Manila office on Monday, I was welcomed by colleagues who have missed me and was asked about the experience in India. The first two days were pretty much relaxing (which we truly deserve) because we just do minimal support for our colleagues in India. But come Tuesday afternoon, my supervisor told me that I was already asked by my next team to start training with them. This means a new shift the next day. But good thing it was a holiday so I didn't experience yet the rush hour that is experienced by an employee with a 9am - 6pm shift. Thursday and Friday (today) I am on sick leave. 

I had to pause. Things has been a roller coaster ride for me for my first week back in the Philippines. The entirety of myself isn't ready for all the things that has been happening. 

Wednesday was the toughest day of the week. It was my first day with my new team (and new shift - from 1-10 pm to 9 am - 6 pm). And aside from the new product knowledge on structured books, I have also acquired several things from work. The month of May is probably one of the crucial months for DKS employees. This is the time where bonus is given, mid-year discussion are done, promotions are awarded, and resignations are rampant. And with those things on the table, I was approached by some people discussing with me these things which are of course, confidential. On this day alone, I had 4 discussions with 4 different people. They were telling me things like, why they resigned, how they felt about the promotions and how some people are not promoted even if they truly deserve it, how they didn't like the politics within the team, expectations from the new team etc.. I WAS OVERWHELMED. 

From the 4 people who spoke with me, one of them was my product head and what she discussed with me is something I can share because it is my story to tell. She basically told me the evaluation on my interview for my promotion and the expectations that she and the management team have  on my new role. She said that I do my job very well and that I am great with balancing it with other things... that I have a strong client focus exemplified through the quality of output produced and the good relationship that I have with my stakeholders. The expectation now is to expand this to other colleagues who are challenged by the things that I am capable of doing so well. This was again overwhelming because I am being placed in a team who are all senior associates the same way I was with my old team. They have a different caliber and of course I am pressured to do nothing but the best. 

The stories of the other 3 people cannot be disclosed. But they were pretty much what I have above-mentioned on the 6th paragraph. I guess my point is, that day was just too much for me to handle. I wasn't emotionally ready to be in a new team yet as I was conditioned to be transferred at least a week after my first week of being back. It was too much because of all the information that I can't help to have emotions. But a friend told me that the best thing to do is to be just a third party... an observer. This means that I shouldn't get attached with what they have to say or do. Just give an honest opinion or a friendly piece of advice whenever necessary. 

My body didn't cooperate with me on this roller coaster hell of a week. But I guess 2 days off is probably what I really needed so I can be ready for another week ahead!